I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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