C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
