She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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