My nipple is on Facebook.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
