We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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