Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
