I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
