Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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