She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
