Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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