omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
