so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
