OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
