Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
