her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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