The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
