so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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