i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
