I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
