You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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