No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
