i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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