Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
