I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
