He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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