I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
