1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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