brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
