Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
