i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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