He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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