Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
