I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
