It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
