Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
