I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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