just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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