I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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