Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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