just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
