p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
