There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
