Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
