Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
