Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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