I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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