My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
