between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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