So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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