Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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