you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
